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MY SON’S LIFE MATTERED!

I don't ask for much. Take a moment to look at my son's picture. Look deep into his eyes. Confident. Secure in who he was. Full of life.

This is an anniversary that haunts me every year. This is an anniversary I find no joy in celebrating much less remembering.

On September 29, 2007, my son Daniel “Chaz” Dudley, was murdered in a drive by shooting while riding in a car with friends. Since that day, with God’s help, and the prayers of family I have managed to cope. 

Despite all of the support through the years, this date remains as a reminder that evil is still hard at work in our community. Even though I cannot escape the wound of the personal loss of my son, the daily struggle to address the open wounds of families facing similar tragedies becomes an additional personal exercise in mental toughness.

For my son, one person stepping forward to help us understand not only who, but why this happened could give some direction for closure. The whole experience was like finding myself in a maze…..blindfolded. Every time I visit his gravesite my heart screams in agony for my child. To this day, privately, the pain of his loss remains fresh.

My son was a good man. Caring and sensitive. A good father. My son was loved by his family and friends. He had the makings of someone who could have made some positive changes in the world on so many different levels. I hear this same sentiment from families UCanSpeakForMe assists. This cycle of heartbreaking pain continues to play out daily in our community.

I recently read online a mother’s letter to her son on the anniversary of his  death. In part she recalled, “Some days this is hard…grieving your death is hard work. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. Some days it’s all I can do to ‘act’ normal, whatever that is. I’m still struggling to find the 'new' normal, to not constantly feel that huge hole in my heart. And then there are some days I feel a little better, and understand that I do have the strength within to carry on, live my life well, and move forward in making changes to the outdated policies and strategies”.

A mother’s (and father’s) ability to cope with the death of a child penetrates deep into the soul of that parent. Not just for the date of the incident, but for years into the future. What families need is for the community to have the courage to step forward with information about those who are guilty of these deaths. “See something….Say something”. We need you to say this type of behavior is not okay. Don't carry someone else's guilt into the life you are trying build.

Somewhere, the person who murdered my child may be feeling that they are in the clear. Somewhere, there are those who have information to bring that person to justice is content to say nothing. When all is said and done God will be the ultimate judge of our deeds while on this planet.

I know this is longer than I had intended. These are thoughts that have been hard to put into words. Not because it makes me feel any better. But on the anniversary of the gutwrenching loss of my child this needed to said. Yes, I want closure for my child’s death. This needed to be said on behalf of all the families mourning the loss of a child to senseless violence. 

The anniversary of the day of their deaths is a heartbreaking day each year. We also remember their absence in our lives during all the regular holidays. My son was a beautiful light in my life. I am so grateful that he is my child. It was my honor and pleasure of raising you and having you be a part of my life. I just really miss you. I wish you love and light always.

Hope Dudley

Mother of Chaz Dudley